Alma 7:23-25

23 And now I would that ye should be humble, and submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive. 24 And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works. 25 And may the Lord bless you.....

I learned way back in seminary that if you want to strengthen your testimony you need to share it with others. Mine is hiding from me. Somewhere deep inside, trying to find its way out. I don't need to strengthen my testimony, I need to find it again. I've been ready to give up, give up on everything these past few months. I just haven't cared anymore. It seems like regardless of how hard I try to live my life the way I've always been taught, the way the Lord wants me to live, the consequences of other peoples choices land on me. I've been weakened through trials that are seeming to last forever and Satan is taking full advantage of it. I'm being tempted with things that have seemed completely asinine to me in the past, but now are looking like the way to go. I'm struggling to do the things I'm supposed to do, the things that have always come easy to me, I simply haven't cared about them. I've been blocking things out, bottling up emotions, and I've been angry. I've lost any patience I thought I had, and I've been stubborn. I've questioned the very basics of my testimony. Do I believe in the gospel? Do I know the Book of Mormon is true? Do I believe that Joseph Smith was a true prophet? Do I believe that President Hinkley guides our church today and is a living prophet? Do I know that the Savior lives? Yes. I do. The Lord loves me. He knows my potential, far greater than I do. He knows me and He knows when I can take on more when I'm ready to say I've had enough. My Heavenly Father wants me to grow and learn. He has a work here for me to do. I need to trust in Him. Rely on Him. Show my gratitude and love for Him. I know I'm not alone. When I feel I have no one who understands, He will always be there. The Savior knows everything I feel because He's felt it. He suffered for me. He died for me. He did it so I could return to live with my Father in Heaven and have MY eternal family. So I could be with my husband and sweet baby for eternity. I need to be humble, teachable, patient. I need to rely on the Lord to help me get my life back. I need to follow His teachings and commandments to receive the blessings He has promised.