All About Alyssa

A post that is long over due has now arrived. I noticed recently that there isn't a whole lot (or anything at all) on here about how the little girl that reigns over our house came to be. Which is sad to me for a couple reasons. #1 - Alyssa is my life! HOW can I NOT have her story on here? She is the reason, both figuratively AND literally, that I get up in the morning. She keeps me going, (and going, and going, and going, and going, and going.) She puts smiles on my face all day, every day. Her story MUST be told! #2 - There needs to be more talk about adoption in this world. Over the past few months I've been lurking, if you will, around other blogs of people who have adopted, who are waiting to adopt, and who are maybe thinking of adopting. These people talk about it all. the. time. As they should! As I should! So I'm going to. And finally #3 - Seriously? Who wouldn't want to hear more about Alyssa? She's my favorite subject. And my guess is, if you read my blog, you probably don't mind reading about her either, being that she's all over it. :)

So. Picking up from this point in my life, here's where Alyssa comes in to play.

Tim and I had only been married about four months when we decided it would be "ok" if we were to become pregnant. By the time the baby came along he would have graduated from USU, we would be living in Salt Lake close to our family and he would hopefully have a decent job, what with a bachelor's degree and all. (Which didn't end up meaning jack the summer after 9-11 by the way.) So we decided, hey, let's see what happens.

Well, nothing happened. For about two years, nothing. happened. When we were told that the only way we would be able to "have" a child would be through In Vitro Fertilization, we were pretty upset, to say the least. But it wasn't long afterwards that the idea of adoption came to us.

I remember, quite vividly actually, sitting at the piano, (Jon Schmidt book in front of me, of course) when the thought came. It was very clear, almost as if someone were talking to me. We needed to adopt our baby. We were going to give a very special baby something they wouldn't otherwise have. Tim and I talked about it and decided to go for it, we never looked back.

With every step we took, we felt the Spirit of the Lord confirm to us that we were doing the right thing. From the very first, smallest step of calling the agency to get the paperwork sent to us, to the day Alyssa was sealed to us in the temple, we knew we were doing what the Lord wanted us to do.

So, we got the paperwork. The huge stack of grueling paperwork. We had friends write us letters of recommendation. We did our interviews, took our classes, joined the Families Supporting Adoption (FSA) board, got our background checks, filled out more paperwork, whew! We started the process in February of 2004 and were approved and waiting by September 2004.

Then came Thanksgiving-ish time. My wonderful cousin, Kelly, who was ALWAYS trying to find me a baby, heard of 2 at a different agency that needed homes. She gave us the number and we called. One of them was a two month old, african-american baby girl, who. was. so. adorable! Long-story-short here, we couldn't afford her. I was devastated, so upset.

Two days later the Bishop called me into his office and called me to be the Primary President. After I said, and I quote "HOLY CRAP", and Tim told me I couldn't say that to the Bishop, I realized that the Lord was answering my prayers, a million times over! I had been praying for 1 child, he blessed me with the company of about 250. As overwhelming as that assignment was going to be, I was so grateful to be able to have some children to love and care for, in a Primary President-ish sort of way.

Nearly one year later...

If you'll recall, Tim and I were on the FSA board. We were asked to attend the new education classes for the new couples starting the adoption process. The ONE we made it to (out of six, we were slackers) was the big one. We had just sat down when our case worker asked us to follow her to her office. We thought we were in trouble because we hadn't updated out financial statement that was supposed to be done yearly, and we had just passed the year mark. That SO wasn't the case!

We sat down and she told us that a birth mother had our file. Which wasn't a huge deal to us because someone always "had our file" they just always returned it when they were finished! She continued by saying that this particular birth mother had chosen us to be the parents for her baby. Words can not express the emotion that overcame us in that room. She told us Andrea (Alyssa's birth mom) was having a girl, that she had been receiving her prenatal care and that she and the baby were healthy and everything was looking good. (This was on a Thursday night, by the way.) Then she told us that Andrea was due on Monday. :) (HELLO!!!) We would meet Andrea the next day. Oh the emotions. We were excited, terrified, excited, overwhelmed, excited. (Ooh, anther side note, all our adoption friends were there at the class. They're no dummies, they knew what was going on.) We called our families, bawling our eyes out and shared the news with them. Then we left the agency and bought a car seat.

On to Friday, we'll skip the rest of Thursday night, we obviously didn't sleep!

First thing Friday morning I quit my job. Couldn't focus worth anything so I left early.

That afternoon at 3:00pm we met Andrea. When she came into the room I had to try to keep myself from jumping off the couch to run over and hug her. We spent over 2 hours with her, talking, laughing, crying, just getting to know as much about her as we could. Before we were through, she invited us to be in the delivery room when the baby was born. She wanted us to be with the baby from the very first breath she took.

That weekend we had planned to go to Park City for our anniversary. (Oh, did I mention the due date was our 4th anniversary? Because it sure was. Happy Anniversary to us! Can you think of anything better? I can't.) We only stayed one night, and only shopped at The Children's Place. Then we came home, bought paint and went to town on the nursery. Sunday we went to church, but because word had gotten out that a baby was coming, we ditched the last two meetings. And we ditched fast!

Then came November 7. We got a call at about 8:00 in the morning to get to the hospital. When we got there, Andrea was dilated to a 3. We had NO IDEA what that meant. We found out it meant that instead of being born right away, it would be more like 3:10-3:15 in the afternoon. We spent the morning chatting with Andrea and her mom. It was fun to hear stories about Andrea when she was younger and learn more about her. We are so glad we had that time to get to know her a little better. We talked about different names, being that we only had 4 days to come up with something. Andrea and her mom had mentioned liking the name Joy, and I have no idea what sparked the name Alyssa with us, but Alyssa Joy was the perfect name for the sweet girl that was well on her way.

When it was time for little Alyssa to make her debut, Andrea again asked us to stay. During the process, if you will, Andrea was LAUGHING! She was giving birth, experiencing what had to excruciating amounts of pain because her epidural only numbed half of her body, and LAUGHING! She was very entertained by the look on our faces. We were so amazed at this little miracle, and so unbelievably baffled that we were even there to experience it that we were in total awe. And apparently our faces showed that. :)

Then we saw her. First her hair, that was standing straight up about an inch all over her tiny little head. Then her little scrunched up face, totally bugged that it was so bright. And just like that, here she was. All 5 pounds, 10 ounces and 17 inches of her. She was beautiful and I was in love. The doctor asked Andrea who she wanted to cut the umbilical cord. She pointed to Tim and said "He's the papa."

They put her on the table to clean her up and from the get go she was squirming to get away. After Andrea had held her for just a few minutes, she handed her to me to give her her first bottle. As soon has I took Alyssa, she opened her eyes, looked right at me and gave me a little "hi mom" glance. Did I say I was in love? I was IN. LOVE.
After she downed her bottle like she wasn't going to be able to ever have that fabulous formula again, Tim and I left to get Andrea some lunch (a big bacon classic from wendy's, yum!) and give her some time with Alyssa before her visitor's arrived.

When we got back to the hospital, we were able to meet more of Andrea's family, hear more funny stories about her childhood AND personality, which were great. We didn't stay for long, we wanted them to be able to spend time with Alyssa and didn't want her to feel like we were crowding her. When we left that night, Tim still hadn't had the chance to hold Alyssa. Andrea or her mom would always hand her to me, then someone else would ask to be "next" in the game of pass the baby. Tim was SO patient, letting everyone else take their time with her. Especially me!

On Tuesday when we went back, we both knew we wouldn't stay for long, again wanting to spend time there, but not wanting to step on any toes either. Tim finally had the opportunity to hold his little girl for the first time. It was the most tender, sweetest thing I had ever seen. I could tell he was just as in love with her as I was.
We left the hospital that night, planning on meeting Andrea at the agency the following day for placement at 3:00 in the afternoon.

Wednesday was the longest day of my life. 3:00 turned to 4, then to 5:30 then to 6:30. 6:30 it was. We were on our way to the agency when our cell phone rang. It was our case worker. Before I answered it I was thinking "better stop for dinner, it's probably going to be 8:00 now." But it was worse than that. Andrea was already at the agency, preparing to sign the adoption papers when they got a phone call that her grandmother had passed away. Everything stopped. Our hearts broke for her. She was placing her baby and lost her grandma in the same day. Nobody deserves that.

At that point, no one really knew what was going to happen next. The case workers wanted to make sure that Andrea was ok to sign, not only for her sake, obviously, but for ours too. They didn't want there to be any issues in the future with her signing under duress. So we continued on to the agency as we were instructed, not really knowing if Alyssa would be coming home with us that night or not.

After waiting about 45 minutes at the agency our worker came out and told us that Andrea, with her mom and sister there, had decided to carry on with their plan of placing Alyssa and taking care of her that night, then take care of their grandmother when they got home. A huge relief for us, devastating for them.

We went into the placement room, Andrea and her family joined us with Alyssa. We were there for three hours. Talking, taking pictures, getting some much appreciated parenting advice, and saying good-bye. When it came time for Andrea to place Alyssa with us, it was heart wrenching. We had waited so long for this day to come and were feeling so blessed that it finally had. Yet for us to have this new life come to us, she had to leave her birth mother. Andrea handed Alyssa to me and we just hugged each other for the longest time. Tim wrapped his arms around the three of us and we just stood there, no one wanting to let go. Then Andrea kissed Alyssa on her forehead, told her not to give us too much trouble, turned, and left the room without looking back at us.

Andrea is the single most incredible woman I have known. So strong. The love and gratitude we have for her... there aren't words... We are forever indebted to her selflessness and immense amounts of love that she has for Alyssa.

During this little roller coaster of an evening we had that night, our poor families were on pins and needles at home. We had given them the update on Andrea's grandma passing, but didn't have another chance to call until placement was over and we were on our way home, nearly 4 hours! So we made 2 calls. One to my parents and one to Tim's. They were then assigned to call everyone else and tell them all is well and we were bringing home baby!

We got home and my family was there waiting for us. They broke in. Why not? Who wasn't so anxious to see Alyssa? Lys got to meet her only cousin on my side. "Little" Evan, who was HUMONGO next to her.
The next 2 weeks were a whirlwind of baby showers and visitors. SIX showers in TWO weeks! And SO many VERY generous people in my family and in my freaking awesome ward. Neighbors who brought over bags of clothes, bottles, diapers, playpens, porta-cribs, swings, bouncy seats, saucers. Some to keep and some to use until we got our own. So grateful for everyones generosity.

We had to wait 6 months to finalize Alyssa's adoption with the courts.
Then we were able to bless her and be sealed in the Jordan River Temple as an Eternal Family. That was the next best day to when we got to bring her home. We get to keep her forever.
And here we are now.
Two, very short years later.
Excited and ready for whatever lies ahead.
And still just as in love with this precious little face as the first moment I saw it.

I love you Alyssa Joy. I can't imagine my life without you in it.